When I was seventeen years old I showed up to a very wild party with illegal drugs of an endless variety. There was a particular concoction there called "electric wine" which was a hybrid of the more well known "electric cool aid". I was of the notion that I was utterly invinceable at the time, not the value creating "indestructable" which is a healthy attribute, this was bravado, so I partook with no understanding of what I was doing. Yes, I had experienced LSD many times since I was fifteen, but I had no idea who had created the coctail or how many doses they had dropped into the foul tasting cough syrup sweet wine. Oh, and since I was late to arrive, would there be any settling effect, e.g., would the drink be stronger now since I was inbibing in the last few glasses in the punchbowl. No, people who are convinced they are unbreakable don't fret over such trivia.
Within about forty minutes I was launced into a "trip" unlike anything I had ever or experienced or heard tell of. And usually LSD users have one anchoring thought: This will be over in eleven hours tops. This trip unfortunatly did not follow that rule. I had embarked on a prodidgious life and death battle for my sanity that went on for four years and God know how many doses I had ingested - twenty?....forty? - it's impossible to say for sure.
I was manifesting all of the symptoms of schizophrenia including voices, hallucinations, inconceivable anxiety and my brain was racing beyond it's "redline" during my waking hours.
I had at least some knowledge of reality like knowing going to the hospital to have my stoumach pumped was of no use since the drug had already made its way through my system and I was now operating with a different brain chemistry. I told my mom about what happened and she was not particularly sympathetic as she had warned me on numerous occasions about taking drugs. She contributed something at least by setting up an appointment with her shrink who perscribed thorazine which didn't make a dent is my dilemma.
Within a month I was all alone in this battle. My girlfriend of some three years didn't leave per se but lost interest since I was now extremely damaged goods. The level of anxiety was so debilitating I couln't leave the house. My few years of taking an "anything goes" attitude with drugs how now come home to roost - my life was unraveling at a torrid pace and my desire
to end my life was with me moment by moment.
Then I had a series of coincidences. I began running into people who were sharing the life philosophy of Buddhism and after about the 4th or 5th encounter I began attending discussion meetings. Here was where I found a friend, who is still a treasured friend dacades later, that had the conviction that by embracing this life phiosophy and joining in the activities to promote peace, culture and education with the SGI-USA - I DEFINATELY had a future !!
I began to work up the courage to get work. These first couple of jobs didn't last long since I was still quite ill, but I was in the fight ! After about a year I applied for an apprentice program with
the local carpenters union. Now I was doing work that was extremely demanding both physically and mentally. I have often said to friends that they can't imagine how cold it is on a a 5 degree day at 6:30 AM, ten stories up in a building with wind gusts up to 50 mph !
But I survived and went on to get married in my mid twenties and had a son who recently graduated with full scholarship to an ivey league school. I ended up with a lucrative carrer in hi-tech security and just recently left that field after over 25 years to start a speaking career around the theme of never being defeated - NO MATTER WHAT ! The book about overcoming this and other monumental obstacles is on the way to be co-written with my son.
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